The Relationship I NEVER Expected

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During this week, I heard one person say that the best and lasting relationship is the one you never expected.

Do you think this is true?

I honestly have been thinking about this a lot, and so I decided to ask several of my friends about their opinion on this matter. (Later when I get more responses, I will edit in their opinions.)

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 “Yes I do think that it’s best when you are not really looking for a relationship…there is something about providence being involved in a relationship that makes it that much better, as it keeps you on the edge of your seat because–generally speaking–we pray for God’s will to be done, so that means we have to be aware of what is taking place around us at all times because we want to make sure that God is leading in our relationships…I do think that it is better to have an unexpected encounter than to have one where you are “looking for” or expecting to be in a relationship…many times we make a mistake in using to much of our strength and time in looking to be in that “perfect” relationship.” S.G

“God is always in control of the future, and His plans are not always our plans. So yes, a relationship you never expected is the best one.” R.D

“I don’t see any connection with the best and longest relationships having anything to do with us expecting them or not. But I’d say our best relationships are the ones that God unites together. Sometimes we expect it sometimes we don’t.” Enoch Leffingwell

“There are “miracles”, which we know are not “miracles”, they are God’s mighty ways, that we can’t even imagine…” M.B

“I do agree that the relationships that develop spontaneously do end up working out better than those which were planned or pursued. Like the verse says: God’s plans are not your plans. That is what we need to keep in mind when thinking of relationships and other aspects of life.” S.A.J.N

If you’ve had a failed relationship in which you built countless straw castles, then I am pretty sure that you now know that the best relationship is not the one you expected or planned–it will be the one that you gladly accepted as a gift, wrapped in the gift paper of trust in God.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LordFor as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9

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Are Christians Allowed to Feel Heartbroken? (PART 1)

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Okay, so you consider yourself a Christian, right?

So, what do you think, is feeling heartbroken permissible? Aren’t Christians supposed to be joyful like ALWAYS?

But was not Elijah  so heartbroken that he even asked God to take his life?

1 Kings 19: 4,9-10 

“But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers… And he came thither unto a cave, and lodged there; and, behold, the word of the Lord came to him, and he said unto him, What doest thou here, Elijah? And he said, I have been very jealous for the Lord God of hosts: for the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away.” 

Okay, so what kind of heartbreak are we allowed to feel?

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Well, lets begin by answering some questions

WHAT IS HEARTBREAK?

Well, heartbreak can occur in a relationship, friendship, in a family circle or even workplace circle. It happens when a person (persons) causes you great pain, sadness, and disappointment. It can take the form of a betrayal, unfaithfulness and dishonesty.

Now,

WHEN DOES HEARTBREAK HAPPEN? 

It happens when an agreement is broken. And that agreement can be spoken or unspoken. For example, a couple can agree on not doing something with another person, so when the other party does do it, that trust is broken.

Then there is that unspoken agreement where you assume that friends, parents and relatives will take care of you and not harm you. So when that power is somehow abused, trust will be broken.

In a friendship, for example, a person might tell you that you inspire them trust, that they feel they have known you for a long time(even though it’s not true), or that you are their best buddy—but then you realize that they are not who you thought they were. It’s true that you probably never signed a pact of honesty or the like, but you assumed, right? So that is what I mean when I say unspoken agreements.

So now that we have seen what heartbreak is, and when it happens, let us see

WHY YOU ARE  HEARTBROKEN 

It’s pretty simple. You trusted another person more than you did yourself. So when that certain person, or persons, failed you—well, your world basically comes crashing down.

You feel heartbroken because you never expected this person to lie to you, or you never thought he/she would do such a thing. It basically never crossed your mind at all.

You depended on this person for your happiness; so when this person is gone, you feel empty and lost.

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So,

HOW DO YOU AVOID THAT HURT? 

Let me ask you something: Have you ever disappointed someone? Has a friend of yours ever told you that they were disappointed in you? If so, what was your response? I’m sure your response was very valid in your eyes, right? You probably apologized and said that it would not happen again, and that anyone could make a mistake.

And that is right. Please get something straight—> Humans are humans, and we all make mistakes. Once you realize this, and fully accept it, then you will not be so heartbroken when people fail you.

In Jeremiah 17:5 it says, “Thus saith the Lord; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart departeth from the Lord.” 

So it is very clear, that by placing your trust fully on a human being, then you are doing wrong.

But you might say, “Well, what about friendships and relationships, are they not built on trust?”

Good question.

God tells us that we are cursed if we put our trust on men, but still, a relationship is built on trust. So what do we do? 

Well, would you trust a person as much as you trust God?

Are you supposed to trust God blindly?

That leads me to my next question…

Stay tuned for part 2 on November 18, 2016. 

Be a Child Again

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When we are little children, we usually have some pretty tough questions that our Mother might not be able to answer. At the moment I do not remember what were those questions I had when I was little, but I do remember that my Mom would always tell me this: “Heidita, I don’t know the answer, but Jesus does. Why don’t you ask Him?”

That is how from such a young age I always took my problems to Jesus, believing that He would answer. I would ask Him to help me find my favorite pen, or help me to finish my chores fast enough so I could go play outside.

Anyways, I was thinking on this yesterday as I cooked dinner. All day long it had been cloudy and overcast, and I was just wishing it would rain. So remembering those simple prayers of my childhood, I looked out the window and prayed in my mind: “Dear Lord, we really needs some rain. Can you send some?” I smiled and then continued with my soup.

Like a few minutes later, my little sister entered the kitchen yelling, “It’s raining, it’s raining!”

And then this morning, it was pouring!!

I sat in bed and opened my devotional This Day With God. And the title for the reading was “Childlike Faith.”

…We really have to be children again. We need to have that simple faith that God will hear us, even though it may seem like a  silly childish request.

When I was little, and my Dad would catch me in his arms, I trusted him fully that he would not let me fall or get hurt. I did not stop to calculate the height where I was in, and how far down my Dad was. I just threw myself. That is the way God wants us to trust in Him. No wonder He says that unless we are like little children, then only will we be able to enter to the kingdom of heaven.

And this is a picture I took this morning. 😃

I Can’t Believe It, But I Said YES!

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I’m so excited about today! How do they say it? Hmmm, over the moon and stars happy? Lol! Yeah, that can describe it.

I’m happy that you and I have made it to the engagement phase!! Yeah, so I’ll be expecting my wedding invitation. And I also hope to say a few words at your wedding.

But here is the bad news: I know nothing about being engaged, so it seems you are on your own on this one.

Hahaha! JK! 😛 I still have things to say, so sit down, be quiet and keep reading.

ENGAGEMENT 

So, let me begin by saying that I imagine being engaged is just pure happiness. ❤ Having all those beautifully mixed emotions as you look at the man/woman who will very soon be your husband/wife. 🙂

Here are some things to keep in mind all the time:

1 Self-Control

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Sure, you are now engaged, and may have more physical privileges like hugging, kisses in the cheek or forehead, or holding hands; but respect each other and abide by the rules that you both have put up in order to protect each others thoughts and purity.

2 Pray Together

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This is something that should be practiced during courtship and marriage. I just think that praying along with the person that you love is just priceless.

3 Communicate

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Listen up guys! There is nothing more frustrating to us girls than to have a man who has a mouth, but does not communicate with us; and yet they expect to hear every little detail from us. Sure, we get to the bottom of things, and we probably already know things, but we always want to hear it from YOU.

4 Little Things Matter

You really don’t have to get us this huge overly expensive gift. For us girls, and guys too I think, sincere gifts from the heart are the ones that matter.

5 Visit!

Visit her family more often. Her/his family will very soon be yours, so they better like you or else you are doomed. No pressure! 😛 haha!

6 Be Yourself 

I know I just mentioned this now, but it is very important in the friends and courtship stage as well. Don’t give him/her a different image of who you are. If you cannot be yourself with this person, why are you going to marry them?? Later in married life, you will get tired of pretending, and what if he/she does not like the real  you?

7 Honesty

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Listen girls, this one is for you. Look, if your boyfriend can tell you to your face that your hair looks scary,and that those shoes make you look like a cat with a thorn on its paw, then he’s a keeper! You both have to be so comfortable with telling each other the truth straight on.

8 Trust

All through the friends and courtship stage, you have seen how amazing and trustworthy this person is. So in the engagement stage, all this will only be confirmed and reinforced. You will trust him/her to be faithful and loyal to you. And listen, when you truly love someone, a million models can coming knocking on your door, but you will only have eyes for your man/lady.

9 Keep Your Mouth Shut 

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This goes both to guys and girls, okay. Learn to keep secrets. If your man/girl confides in you something, there is no need for it to be heard all the way to the North Pole.

10 Boiling Water

And finally, do you know how to boil water in order to make tea or soup?

There is nothing worse than eating a cold peanut butter and jelly sandwich when you are sick. Unless, of course, it’s summer…then yes, that PB&J  would be nice. 😛 Lol! 

FYI This is how boiling water looks like 😛

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Christian Dating 101

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Friday, September 16, 2016

Advisory: Eligibility for Marriage Undergraduate Class. 

Prerequisite: Completion of Home Duties 101 and/or concurrent enrollment in Responsibility Course 102.

Age Requirement: 20 years or older

*Absolutely no crashing allowed in this class.

Student Learning Outcome (SLO)

  • Guarding of heart and feelings
  • Dangers of physical contact

Welcome to Christian Dating 101. My name is Professor Heidi Alonso, so let’s get started. Remember that there is no such thing as a dumb question here, so please ask away.

Let’s begin with the logics. What is dating? What is courtship? Any ideas?

Well, dating happens when one person goes out with several people in hopes of finding that one special person. And as you might well be aware of–because most of you have done it–many just date for fun. They don’t care if they play with people’s feelings, because they are not serious.

Now courting. What is the difference of it? Here is the definition given by J.D.

“Courting is the sincere effort of two persons who are finding if it is God’s will for them to be married.”

So yes, of course, courtship is one step closer to marriage. So you will obviously enter into a courtship with a wedding in mind. That is the whole purpose. And now, if you followed all the previous steps prior to this class, then there is a pretty good chance that the person you are courting ( or will court) will be your future spouse. Of course, it might not always work out. That is why you should guard your heart.

And what do I mean by that?

I mean that you should not give pieces of your heart away to just anyone. Don’t go around saying you love such said person out of emotion or mere impulse, because you will regret it later. As time passes, you will realize that you did not really love that person, or you will see that that person was not for you, and you will wish to turn back time in order to recover those words you told them.

And consider this: Wouldn’t it be so special to share those words for the first time with the person who will be your spouse?

Another point that I want to bring out, is the age requirement in order to even enter a courtship. As a rule of thumb, if you are still in your teens, you should be focusing on solving your algebra homework and feeding your pet fish instead of trying to enter this class.

As for you, my dear students in your twenties, please be careful when thinking to enter in a relationship with teenager students in the elementary classes. Teenagers do not really know who they are, or even what they want, because they change their mind so very often. One day they might wake up and decide they want to be a firefighter, but then later on they will announce they will be a brain surgeon.

Take me for example. In my teenage years, I was going back and forth between being a cook, a writer, a poet and songwriter. All survived except for poetry. Let me come up with something so you can see why I kissed poetry bye-bye.

The sky is so blue

Don’t you think so too?

Is it not nice,

To look at the sky

While eating a plate of rice?

You see what I mean? Like they say, I cannot write poetry to save my soul. But you get what I mean, right? You realize that if you court at such young age, or if you decide to court another young person, then your relationship will be ruined because of your/their immaturity. Either you, or that person, will still be figuring out who they are or what they want, and then later they will decide they don’t like you any more because you have green eyes or because of your personality. Bottom line is that you or they will keep changing their minds because at that stage, both of you are still developing emotionally.

To conclude, let’s talk about…yup, the physical stuff like kissing, touching and hugging.

Let’s start with the 00:00:05 second rule. 

Okay, get out your paper and pencils, write this down and frame it on your bedroom because it will be on the final test: I will not touch anybody for more than 5 seconds.

You got it? Good! You are such great students! I’m so proud of you. 😀

Okay, moving on.

Why should you not touch people? Well, first off, they don’t belong to you, and unless you have the key of marriage, you won’t be able to get them out the glass box they are in. Of course, I am not saying that kissing, touching or hugging is wrong. Not at all. It is wrong when you do that before marriage, because then it will lead to other things which you will later regret.

But that does not mean that if you are in an official courtship you can’t hug or hold hands. You understand that when you court, you are almost sure you are going to marry the person. And therefore, not court willy nilly. The physical contact is really up to the couple to decide, and they should put their physical boundaries. This might differ from couple to couple, since some individuals might need more restraint than others. However, it is scientifically proven how kissing affects the relationship. It is definitely a blessing within the circle of marriage, but outside of marriage it will affect both, or one of the parties involved in case the relationship does not work. Therefore, causing the breakup to be more painful since there will be physical and emotional losses involved.

So to end, please jot down these questions in your notebook for this class and turn them in for homework next time.

Wouldn’t it be special to share your first kiss with your husband/wife?

Do you think it will be nice to save all your love for your spouse?

Is it not purity the best and most beautiful gift you can give to your future spouse?

Okay, don’t forget to review for the upcoming test.

Class dismissed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Think I Found The One!! :D

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Friday, September 9, 2016

Dear Diary,

So what do I do now? What do I do if I think I have found a man who can potentially put up with me for the rest of my life? Do I like say something? Or like give him a hint?

Okay, okay–let me clarify. Those questions are just an example of the questions girls might have. It does not mean that I have them now. I might later; ya’ never know. 😛 Lol! But well, leave me out of the picture for now; let’s talk about step #4.

STEP #4: Observe, Seek Counsel, Be Wise, Be Friends

A) OBSERVE

Hmmm…so what exactly do we look at? What do we observe? Face, eyes, smile? Ehhh…nope.

If you think you have found the right girl/guy, then you should be observing other things. Of course, physical attraction should be there, but it should not be your main focus. You have to dissect that persons behavior. I mean, this is a person who could potentially be your future spouse, so then of course you want to know who they really are, right?

  • How does this person behave?
  • How does she/he treat her/his parents?
  • Is she’he respectful?
  • Is she/he helpful without being asked?
  • How does she/he behave when her/his parents are not around? Does she/he behave differently?
  • How does she/he behave around the company of other young people?
  • How do they treat the opposite sex? Do they have self-respect?

Open your eyes and observe well without making your interest known to that person as of yet. That way, you will be able to see the true colors of the person you got your eyes on.

B) SEEK COUNSEL

Yes, unless you are some kind of super genius and mind-reader ( jk mind-reading does not exist), then you will need advice from someone who is not emotionally involved and hence, has a clear mind than you do at the present moment. Because later, you will be like, “Ohhhhhh, I see now!”

And so where do you get that counsel from?

  1. God and His word
  2. God-fearing parents
  3. Older men and women of experience

Tip: Visit the church of the person you are interested in. That way, you can see how that person interacts in their home church. 

Girls DON’T READ, this is ONLY for the guys eyes: I once listened to a sermon that was about courtship and all that cool stuff. And what this person said has truth to it. He was saying how you should seek counsel with the parents of the girl. Let your intentions be known to them because they deserve to know. You have to realize that the girl belongs to her parents, and if you go on trying to win her affections without their permission, wouldn’t that be considered stealing?

Something to think about, guys.

C) BE WISE

Be logical when it comes to these matters. Think ahead. You can think clearly now, when there are not too much emotional attachments from your part.

D) BE FRIENDS

If you cannot be friends now, then how will your marriage work if you do marry that person later on? Your future spouse should be your best friend, right? So I think it is very important to be friends at first, and get some answers to your questions.

  • Do you both get along well?
  • If you fight all the time, what makes you think that married life will be pure bliss?
  • How does this person react in different situations?
  • Can you both work as a team and enjoy yourselves?
  • Is there that connection between the two of you?
  • Do you feel at home in her/his social circle?
  • Do you enjoy being around her/his friends?

And well, those are some of the many questions to be asked. Now, let’s talk about Facebook and chatting, and all that stuff.

*drum roll*

Yeah, I know, I know…this is a very tricky and controversial subject to many people. Just how much is too much on social media? Does it matter how often you chat with a girl/guy?

Well, it’s obvious that if you chat every single day, then there is something going on.

Listen, everyone has their own interpretations on this matter of Facebook and chatting. But let me tell you this: Be careful that you don’t toy with peoples emotions and feelings. If you are not interested in someone, then don’t act as if you do.

Be careful. That is all I will say, the rest is up to you. 🙂

 

 

Where is My Prince Charming?

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Friday, September 2, 2016

Dear Diary,

You really want to know something? I don’t want a Prince Charming who will charm me. A prince whose lips drop as honey comb and whose mouth is smoother than oil; but then later on I will end up drinking wormwood tea instead of a sweet cup of chamomile.

So yeah, I do hope this Prince Charming never crosses my path.

Anyways, let’s talk a little more on this subject: on finding the right person, and not just Prince Charming.

STEP #3: Whom Shall I Marry?

Wow, okay, so now that you know that you are ready, you want to know who is going to put up with you for the rest of your living days.

So what do you ask next?

Where is my Prince Charming, and my tall-dark-and-handsome? Hmm, not exactly. The next question you should ask is this: who does God have for me?

And well, after all we have discussed so far, I hope that you have well grounded in your brain the fact that you cannot choose for yourself. Sure, the people will tell you to follow your heart, but on the other hand, God says that our heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. So, who will you follow, God or your wicked heart? Think about that.

And of course, there are other questions to consider. One of those many questions is this: Are you being the kind of person you are looking for? If you are looking for an honest person, are you honest? Are you a spiritual person?

You know, I once heard of a true story of a guy who had his dream girl all planned out. Time passed, and he did find her eventually. He told this girl about his feelings and how she was his perfect girl, but then the girl told him that he was not the perfect man for her.

Ouch! Poor guy! But it’s true, you know. Many times we get so caught up in daydreaming and planning our perfect person, that we forget about perfecting ourselves to the best we can for that person. Here is where true love is especially manifested in our willingness to change our defects of character, even if we don’t have the girl/guy, and even if we don’t even know who they are. Because I mean, if you are in love, you can easily promise to be saint #1.

But always remember that God will choose for you. Better said, you have to let God choose for you, because He will never force you.

Did Adam choose Eve? No.

Did Isaac choose his wife? No.

Did Samson choose his wife? Aha! Yes, he did. He said that Delilah pleased his eyes, and we all know what happened to his eyes later on. Don’t let that happen to you.

Many people just look at the physical part, but that should really be the last in your list. Character is the one to be focused on. This person you look for should complement you. You should have common interests and goals. Someone that you can work together with and enjoy it. Of course, you can’t find the same exact person as you, or else you will go crazy because if you both hate spiders, who will kill them for you? And if you are complete opposites, and hence have different tastes in music, then riding in the car with that person is going to be a pain in your ears.

I’m pretty sure that you can see that there needs to be a balance. And only God, along with your parents, can figure that out. God made you and He knows who will make you happy, and your parents know you more than you do yourself.

You also have to remember that your parents were given to you by God, and He will many times speaks to us through our god-fearing parents. And to end, I will give you the key that works pretty much for everything: PRAY WITHOUT CEASING.

Prayer does work, my friend. 🙂