He/She Broke My Heart

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Heartbroken…

Just how does one avoid being heartbroken?

Well, for starters, if we hear counsel, then we would not be in this jumble of problems in the first place. I know that if you hear counsel, then you will avoid yourself many heartaches—believe me. Your parents are right 99% of the time. And I say 99% because your parents can be wrong about a person too. There are some guys who just seem like saints come down from heaven, but then as time goes on, you and parents really get to see who this Mr. Too-Good-To-Be-True really is; or Miss Too-Good-To-Be-True.

But well, the heartbreak is there now. And you feel like all your world has crashed beneath your feet. Your dreams hold no significance anymore, you try to find a reason to get up from bed, and you literally feel like you are in a place where you don’t know where to go or what to do.

You feel lost without this person in your life.

Well, first thing you have to do is stop thinking about all this hurt. What happened already happened, and it’s past. There is nothing more cruel that you can do to yourself, than to continue living in the past. Leave the past alone, pick up your dreams and look to the future. Why will you drown all your hopes and dreams, all because of a person who did not deserve your love?

Another thing to keep in mind is this: do not go publishing your hurt in Facebook. That will only spark a chain reaction of “oh! So sorry to hear that! 😥 .” And all that will do, is put you down. But in order to avoid that, you should not have made your relationship public in Facebook in the first place. As a rule of thumb, I recommend that you not publish anything until your relationship is like SUPER serious. It’s going to hurt you so much to delete all those pictures in Facebook and…you can imagine.

Also, try to help others; don’t go into a reclusive life in order to mourn your misfortune. As you help others, and make others happy, you will find that your heart will heal. Slowly, that smile will come back to your face, and you will realize that you were put on this world for a very special purpose.

You can also take up a hobby to keep you busy. But please don’t go crazy and decide that skydiving is the best way to forget your troubles.

And well, even after all the tips I have given you, the only person who can really heal your heart is God. As your relationship grows stronger with God, you will see in clear light why that relationship failed, and why you had to go through it. You will realize that the heartbreak will only make you stronger and wiser. The next time another guy/girl comes knocking on your door, you will not so easily fall for their charm.

Just remember this: YOU ARE SPECIAL, and the person that is meant for you is somewhere around there, and he/she will come at the right moment. Don’t accept the first guy/girl that shows interest in you. Of course, there is a possibility that that person might be the right one, but what I’m trying to say is that you SHOULD NOT ENTER A RELATIONSHIP just because you FEEL LONELY.

Your heart will heal. Trust me, it will—slowly but surely.

itm_you-are-special-fb-timeline-covers2014-02-20_09-03-24_1  P.S.

This article was written in response to a request I received from one of my readers in India. This person asked my opinion on how to deal with heartbreak, and so I thought it was a great idea to share this with all of you. 🙂  

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Once Upon a Time…Happily Ever After

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Funny how a newlywed will tell you that marriage is amazing and beautiful, and then a couple years later, that selfsame person will beg you to really think before getting involved with a guy.

It has happened to me. Lol!

Truth is that marriage takes work. It will not always be roses and kisses. But working together as a team, supporting and loving each other, and seeking God first– well, it’s going to work out nicely.

So, just to make your life easier, here are some things to keep in mind:

FOR THE GUYS:

1 If the tube of toothpaste has a cap, USE IT. Hardened and dry toothpaste is not cool to use.

2) Put the toilet seat back down after you use it. If your wife falls in the toilet in the night, there is a 99.9% chance that you will be sleeping in the couch for the rest of the night, or nights.

3) NEVER set foot on her wet clean floor. Don’t dirty the floor she just scrubbed, that is if you don’t want to scrub it again, but this time with a toothbrush 😛 Lol!

4) Clean up those pesky little hairs after you shave. It’s annoying when the white bar of soap looks as if it has black sprinkles on it, or brown or blonde. Take your pick. 

5) ALWAYS let your wife know if you are bringing friends or visitors home, that way she has time to cook something. Serving peanut butter and jelly sandwiches is not exactly what we ladies have in mind.

6) When girls are on their monthly cycle, we can be sad, mad, happy, nostalgic and emotional all in the span of one hour. Plus we have to deal with pain and whatnot. So DON’T BE A COWARD and leave your wife alone. Be nice to her. Make her some hot tea and cuddle with her. ❤

7) Most girls take long to get ready. It’s hard for us to decide what to wear, and hairstyle to do; so instead of hollering to your wife at the top of your lungs for her to hurry up, do this the night/day before:

You: Hey sweetheart, do you think the yellow tie goes with this?

Her: White shirt, black pants and yellow tie? Honey, are you tying to go for the bumblebee look?

You: *laughing* What do you suggest then?

Her: Hmmm…let me see. Ah, this one is perfect!

You: Oh yes, perfect! I don’t know what I’d do without you. By the way, what will you wear? I think that blue dress looks lovely on you, plus it will match with my tie.

Her: Awwww, that’s right! We will match ^_^

There you have it. Problem solved. You are welcome.

8) Listen to your wife.

9) I understand that guys suffer from innate dementia, but at least try to remember her birthday, your wedding day, the day you met and the day you first messaged her on Facebook.

FOR THE GIRLS:

1) Guys don’t think on what they say when they are hungry, so if your husband says something that bothered you, don’t take it to heart because he did not mean that.

2) Men are capable of sitting down, think on nothing and do nothing; so don’t worry, they are not in comma.

3) DON’T mess with his toolbox.

4) Here is how to get your husband to fix that wobbly chair in the dining room: go to his beloved toolbox and try to fix it yourself. In a couple seconds, you will see him come running to your rescue–more like to the rescue of his tools 😛 But no, really; guys like to feel useful, so let him do it, and then go make him some lemonade.

5) Guys nature is to fix things, including you. So, don’t get mad when he tries to fix your problems and emotions. He’s just trying to help.

6) NEVER give a command to your husband because he will plop down in the couch and do nothing. The last thing a man wants is to feel manipulated. So just ask him to help you because you need him. He will listen to you. 🙂

7) Most of the times, your husband will not tell you that he is bringing his friends or visitors over, so always have something fast to cook.

8) You know, your man might forget your birthday, or the day and hour when you first met, but rest assured that he will NEVER FORGET that he loves you. So if he forgets, don’t hold it against him.

9) In my experience with men, aka my Dad and brother lol, they don’t distinguish things. The whole idea of lotions, perfumes and body mists are junk to them. For them, all you need is water, a bar of Irish Spring soap and deodorant. Therefore, keep your products out of your husbands reach before he uses your face wash as degreaser, your body mists as bathroom air fresheners and your lotion as shaving cream. 😉

10) When it comes to getting sick, men are pros at that. So don’t worry so much when he has a sore throat, but he keeps acting like if he is slipping away.

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I Can’t Believe It, But I Said YES!

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I’m so excited about today! How do they say it? Hmmm, over the moon and stars happy? Lol! Yeah, that can describe it.

I’m happy that you and I have made it to the engagement phase!! Yeah, so I’ll be expecting my wedding invitation. And I also hope to say a few words at your wedding.

But here is the bad news: I know nothing about being engaged, so it seems you are on your own on this one.

Hahaha! JK! 😛 I still have things to say, so sit down, be quiet and keep reading.

ENGAGEMENT 

So, let me begin by saying that I imagine being engaged is just pure happiness. ❤ Having all those beautifully mixed emotions as you look at the man/woman who will very soon be your husband/wife. 🙂

Here are some things to keep in mind all the time:

1 Self-Control

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Sure, you are now engaged, and may have more physical privileges like hugging, kisses in the cheek or forehead, or holding hands; but respect each other and abide by the rules that you both have put up in order to protect each others thoughts and purity.

2 Pray Together

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This is something that should be practiced during courtship and marriage. I just think that praying along with the person that you love is just priceless.

3 Communicate

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Listen up guys! There is nothing more frustrating to us girls than to have a man who has a mouth, but does not communicate with us; and yet they expect to hear every little detail from us. Sure, we get to the bottom of things, and we probably already know things, but we always want to hear it from YOU.

4 Little Things Matter

You really don’t have to get us this huge overly expensive gift. For us girls, and guys too I think, sincere gifts from the heart are the ones that matter.

5 Visit!

Visit her family more often. Her/his family will very soon be yours, so they better like you or else you are doomed. No pressure! 😛 haha!

6 Be Yourself 

I know I just mentioned this now, but it is very important in the friends and courtship stage as well. Don’t give him/her a different image of who you are. If you cannot be yourself with this person, why are you going to marry them?? Later in married life, you will get tired of pretending, and what if he/she does not like the real  you?

7 Honesty

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Listen girls, this one is for you. Look, if your boyfriend can tell you to your face that your hair looks scary,and that those shoes make you look like a cat with a thorn on its paw, then he’s a keeper! You both have to be so comfortable with telling each other the truth straight on.

8 Trust

All through the friends and courtship stage, you have seen how amazing and trustworthy this person is. So in the engagement stage, all this will only be confirmed and reinforced. You will trust him/her to be faithful and loyal to you. And listen, when you truly love someone, a million models can coming knocking on your door, but you will only have eyes for your man/lady.

9 Keep Your Mouth Shut 

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This goes both to guys and girls, okay. Learn to keep secrets. If your man/girl confides in you something, there is no need for it to be heard all the way to the North Pole.

10 Boiling Water

And finally, do you know how to boil water in order to make tea or soup?

There is nothing worse than eating a cold peanut butter and jelly sandwich when you are sick. Unless, of course, it’s summer…then yes, that PB&J  would be nice. 😛 Lol! 

FYI This is how boiling water looks like 😛

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Christian Dating 101

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Friday, September 16, 2016

Advisory: Eligibility for Marriage Undergraduate Class. 

Prerequisite: Completion of Home Duties 101 and/or concurrent enrollment in Responsibility Course 102.

Age Requirement: 20 years or older

*Absolutely no crashing allowed in this class.

Student Learning Outcome (SLO)

  • Guarding of heart and feelings
  • Dangers of physical contact

Welcome to Christian Dating 101. My name is Professor Heidi Alonso, so let’s get started. Remember that there is no such thing as a dumb question here, so please ask away.

Let’s begin with the logics. What is dating? What is courtship? Any ideas?

Well, dating happens when one person goes out with several people in hopes of finding that one special person. And as you might well be aware of–because most of you have done it–many just date for fun. They don’t care if they play with people’s feelings, because they are not serious.

Now courting. What is the difference of it? Here is the definition given by J.D.

“Courting is the sincere effort of two persons who are finding if it is God’s will for them to be married.”

So yes, of course, courtship is one step closer to marriage. So you will obviously enter into a courtship with a wedding in mind. That is the whole purpose. And now, if you followed all the previous steps prior to this class, then there is a pretty good chance that the person you are courting ( or will court) will be your future spouse. Of course, it might not always work out. That is why you should guard your heart.

And what do I mean by that?

I mean that you should not give pieces of your heart away to just anyone. Don’t go around saying you love such said person out of emotion or mere impulse, because you will regret it later. As time passes, you will realize that you did not really love that person, or you will see that that person was not for you, and you will wish to turn back time in order to recover those words you told them.

And consider this: Wouldn’t it be so special to share those words for the first time with the person who will be your spouse?

Another point that I want to bring out, is the age requirement in order to even enter a courtship. As a rule of thumb, if you are still in your teens, you should be focusing on solving your algebra homework and feeding your pet fish instead of trying to enter this class.

As for you, my dear students in your twenties, please be careful when thinking to enter in a relationship with teenager students in the elementary classes. Teenagers do not really know who they are, or even what they want, because they change their mind so very often. One day they might wake up and decide they want to be a firefighter, but then later on they will announce they will be a brain surgeon.

Take me for example. In my teenage years, I was going back and forth between being a cook, a writer, a poet and songwriter. All survived except for poetry. Let me come up with something so you can see why I kissed poetry bye-bye.

The sky is so blue

Don’t you think so too?

Is it not nice,

To look at the sky

While eating a plate of rice?

You see what I mean? Like they say, I cannot write poetry to save my soul. But you get what I mean, right? You realize that if you court at such young age, or if you decide to court another young person, then your relationship will be ruined because of your/their immaturity. Either you, or that person, will still be figuring out who they are or what they want, and then later they will decide they don’t like you any more because you have green eyes or because of your personality. Bottom line is that you or they will keep changing their minds because at that stage, both of you are still developing emotionally.

To conclude, let’s talk about…yup, the physical stuff like kissing, touching and hugging.

Let’s start with the 00:00:05 second rule. 

Okay, get out your paper and pencils, write this down and frame it on your bedroom because it will be on the final test: I will not touch anybody for more than 5 seconds.

You got it? Good! You are such great students! I’m so proud of you. 😀

Okay, moving on.

Why should you not touch people? Well, first off, they don’t belong to you, and unless you have the key of marriage, you won’t be able to get them out the glass box they are in. Of course, I am not saying that kissing, touching or hugging is wrong. Not at all. It is wrong when you do that before marriage, because then it will lead to other things which you will later regret.

But that does not mean that if you are in an official courtship you can’t hug or hold hands. You understand that when you court, you are almost sure you are going to marry the person. And therefore, not court willy nilly. The physical contact is really up to the couple to decide, and they should put their physical boundaries. This might differ from couple to couple, since some individuals might need more restraint than others. However, it is scientifically proven how kissing affects the relationship. It is definitely a blessing within the circle of marriage, but outside of marriage it will affect both, or one of the parties involved in case the relationship does not work. Therefore, causing the breakup to be more painful since there will be physical and emotional losses involved.

So to end, please jot down these questions in your notebook for this class and turn them in for homework next time.

Wouldn’t it be special to share your first kiss with your husband/wife?

Do you think it will be nice to save all your love for your spouse?

Is it not purity the best and most beautiful gift you can give to your future spouse?

Okay, don’t forget to review for the upcoming test.

Class dismissed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Creo Que Ya Lo Encontre!! :D

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Viernes, Septiembre 9, 2016

Querido Diario,

Que hago ahora? Que hago si pienso que ya encontré al hombre que potencialmente me pueda aguantar toda la vida? Le digo algo? Le doy un empujón?

Bueno, bueno, déjame aclarar algo. Las preguntas que hice son solo un ejemplo de las preguntas que una chica pueda tener, y no significa que yo las tenga ahora. Las podría tener mas delante…uno nunca sabe. 😛 Jajaja!

Pero bueno, déjame fuera de este cuadro, y vamos a hablar acerca del paso numero cuatro.

PASO #4 OBSERVA, BUSCA CONSEJO, SE SABIO/A, SEAN AMIGOS

A) OBSERVA

Mmm…y que vamos a observar? La cara, los ojos, la sonrisa? Ehhh…no.

Si crees que ya encontraste a la persona correcta, hay otras cosas mas importantes que observar. Claro, la atracción física allí esta, pero no debe ser tu enfoque principal. Tienes que analizar bien el carácter de esta persona. Porque digo, esta persona puede ser un día tu esposa/o, y pues claro tienes que saber quien realmente es, verdad?

  • Como se comporta esta persona?
  • Como trata a sus padres?
  • Es respetuoso/a?
  • Le gusta ayudar sin que se lo pidan?
  • Como se comporta cuando sus padres no están? Se comporta diferente?
  • Como se comporta cuando esta con otros jóvenes?
  • Como tratan al sexo opuesto? Se respeta ella misma?

Abre bien esos dos ojos y observa a esa persona sin dejar saber tus sentimientos todavía. Así vas a poder ver a la persona como realmente es.

B) BUSCA CONSEJO

Pues si, al menos que seas un super genio, vas a necesitar consejo de alguien que no este emocionalmente involucrado, y pues que obvio tendrá la mente bien clara. Porque tal vez tu no veas bien las cosas por tu gran interés por esa persona, y después que pase el tiempo, vas a decir, “Ahhhhh! Ya veo. Porque no me fije antes?”

Y donde encuentras ese consejo?

  1. En Dios y su palabra
  2. En tus padres temerosos de Dios
  3. En personas mayores, consagradas, y con experiencia

Recomendación: Visita la iglesia de esa persona que estas interesada/o. Así vas a poder ver como ella/el se desenvuelve en su iglesia local. 

Chicas, NO LEAN ESTO, es SOLO PARA HOMBRES: No hace mucho, escuche un sermón que hablaba acerca del noviazgo y todo eso. Y el predicador decía que el chico debería buscar consejo con los padres de la chica. Deberías dejarles saber a los padres de ella que estas interesado, porque ellos se merecen saber. Tienes que darte cuenta que ella les pertenece a ellos, y si tu la enamoras sin el permiso de ellos, pues no seria eso un robo?

Piensa en eso.

C) SE SABIO/A

Cuando se trata de estos negocios, hay que ser lógicos. Piensa adelante. Tu puedes pensar muy claramente ahora que no estas involucrado/a  muy emocionalmente de tu parte, porque después no vas a saber que es azul y que es verde, porque todo te va parecer color rosa.

D) SEAN AMIGOS

Si no pueden ser amigos ahora, que te hace pensar que su vida de casados va a funcionar? Se supone que tu pareja debe ser tu mejor amigo/a, verdad? Por eso pienso que ser solamente amigos primero es importante. Y también tienes mas preguntas que responder.

  •  Se llevan bien los dos?
  • Si se pelean todo el tiempo, que te hace pensar que la vida de casados va ser pura felicidad?
  • Como reacciona en situaciones diferentes?
  • Pueden los dos trabajar en equipo y pasársela bien a la misa vez?
  • Hay esa conexión entre los dos?
  • Te sientes como en casa en su circulo social?
  • Que tal de sus amistades, te sientes bien al estar con ellos?

Bueno, esas son unas pocas de las muchas preguntas que hay que contestar. Pero vamos a hablar acerca del Facebook y de chatear.

*redoble de tambor*

Yo se, yo se…este es un tema muy conflictivo y difícil para mucha gente. Que tanto es mucho en Facebook? Importa que tan seguido chateas con una chica o un chico en Facebook, u otra red social?

Bueno, es obvio que si hablas al diario con alguien, pues hay algo allí, verdad?

Mira, yo se que cada quien tiene su propia interpretación para esto, pero déjame decirte solo esto: No juegues con los sentimientos de otra persona. Si no estas interesado/a en alguien, entonces no hagas como si lo estuvieras.

Ten cuidado. Es todo lo que voy a decir, porque lo demás depende de ti. 🙂

 

 

 

I Think I Found The One!! :D

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Friday, September 9, 2016

Dear Diary,

So what do I do now? What do I do if I think I have found a man who can potentially put up with me for the rest of my life? Do I like say something? Or like give him a hint?

Okay, okay–let me clarify. Those questions are just an example of the questions girls might have. It does not mean that I have them now. I might later; ya’ never know. 😛 Lol! But well, leave me out of the picture for now; let’s talk about step #4.

STEP #4: Observe, Seek Counsel, Be Wise, Be Friends

A) OBSERVE

Hmmm…so what exactly do we look at? What do we observe? Face, eyes, smile? Ehhh…nope.

If you think you have found the right girl/guy, then you should be observing other things. Of course, physical attraction should be there, but it should not be your main focus. You have to dissect that persons behavior. I mean, this is a person who could potentially be your future spouse, so then of course you want to know who they really are, right?

  • How does this person behave?
  • How does she/he treat her/his parents?
  • Is she’he respectful?
  • Is she/he helpful without being asked?
  • How does she/he behave when her/his parents are not around? Does she/he behave differently?
  • How does she/he behave around the company of other young people?
  • How do they treat the opposite sex? Do they have self-respect?

Open your eyes and observe well without making your interest known to that person as of yet. That way, you will be able to see the true colors of the person you got your eyes on.

B) SEEK COUNSEL

Yes, unless you are some kind of super genius and mind-reader ( jk mind-reading does not exist), then you will need advice from someone who is not emotionally involved and hence, has a clear mind than you do at the present moment. Because later, you will be like, “Ohhhhhh, I see now!”

And so where do you get that counsel from?

  1. God and His word
  2. God-fearing parents
  3. Older men and women of experience

Tip: Visit the church of the person you are interested in. That way, you can see how that person interacts in their home church. 

Girls DON’T READ, this is ONLY for the guys eyes: I once listened to a sermon that was about courtship and all that cool stuff. And what this person said has truth to it. He was saying how you should seek counsel with the parents of the girl. Let your intentions be known to them because they deserve to know. You have to realize that the girl belongs to her parents, and if you go on trying to win her affections without their permission, wouldn’t that be considered stealing?

Something to think about, guys.

C) BE WISE

Be logical when it comes to these matters. Think ahead. You can think clearly now, when there are not too much emotional attachments from your part.

D) BE FRIENDS

If you cannot be friends now, then how will your marriage work if you do marry that person later on? Your future spouse should be your best friend, right? So I think it is very important to be friends at first, and get some answers to your questions.

  • Do you both get along well?
  • If you fight all the time, what makes you think that married life will be pure bliss?
  • How does this person react in different situations?
  • Can you both work as a team and enjoy yourselves?
  • Is there that connection between the two of you?
  • Do you feel at home in her/his social circle?
  • Do you enjoy being around her/his friends?

And well, those are some of the many questions to be asked. Now, let’s talk about Facebook and chatting, and all that stuff.

*drum roll*

Yeah, I know, I know…this is a very tricky and controversial subject to many people. Just how much is too much on social media? Does it matter how often you chat with a girl/guy?

Well, it’s obvious that if you chat every single day, then there is something going on.

Listen, everyone has their own interpretations on this matter of Facebook and chatting. But let me tell you this: Be careful that you don’t toy with peoples emotions and feelings. If you are not interested in someone, then don’t act as if you do.

Be careful. That is all I will say, the rest is up to you. 🙂

 

 

Where is My Prince Charming?

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Friday, September 2, 2016

Dear Diary,

You really want to know something? I don’t want a Prince Charming who will charm me. A prince whose lips drop as honey comb and whose mouth is smoother than oil; but then later on I will end up drinking wormwood tea instead of a sweet cup of chamomile.

So yeah, I do hope this Prince Charming never crosses my path.

Anyways, let’s talk a little more on this subject: on finding the right person, and not just Prince Charming.

STEP #3: Whom Shall I Marry?

Wow, okay, so now that you know that you are ready, you want to know who is going to put up with you for the rest of your living days.

So what do you ask next?

Where is my Prince Charming, and my tall-dark-and-handsome? Hmm, not exactly. The next question you should ask is this: who does God have for me?

And well, after all we have discussed so far, I hope that you have well grounded in your brain the fact that you cannot choose for yourself. Sure, the people will tell you to follow your heart, but on the other hand, God says that our heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. So, who will you follow, God or your wicked heart? Think about that.

And of course, there are other questions to consider. One of those many questions is this: Are you being the kind of person you are looking for? If you are looking for an honest person, are you honest? Are you a spiritual person?

You know, I once heard of a true story of a guy who had his dream girl all planned out. Time passed, and he did find her eventually. He told this girl about his feelings and how she was his perfect girl, but then the girl told him that he was not the perfect man for her.

Ouch! Poor guy! But it’s true, you know. Many times we get so caught up in daydreaming and planning our perfect person, that we forget about perfecting ourselves to the best we can for that person. Here is where true love is especially manifested in our willingness to change our defects of character, even if we don’t have the girl/guy, and even if we don’t even know who they are. Because I mean, if you are in love, you can easily promise to be saint #1.

But always remember that God will choose for you. Better said, you have to let God choose for you, because He will never force you.

Did Adam choose Eve? No.

Did Isaac choose his wife? No.

Did Samson choose his wife? Aha! Yes, he did. He said that Delilah pleased his eyes, and we all know what happened to his eyes later on. Don’t let that happen to you.

Many people just look at the physical part, but that should really be the last in your list. Character is the one to be focused on. This person you look for should complement you. You should have common interests and goals. Someone that you can work together with and enjoy it. Of course, you can’t find the same exact person as you, or else you will go crazy because if you both hate spiders, who will kill them for you? And if you are complete opposites, and hence have different tastes in music, then riding in the car with that person is going to be a pain in your ears.

I’m pretty sure that you can see that there needs to be a balance. And only God, along with your parents, can figure that out. God made you and He knows who will make you happy, and your parents know you more than you do yourself.

You also have to remember that your parents were given to you by God, and He will many times speaks to us through our god-fearing parents. And to end, I will give you the key that works pretty much for everything: PRAY WITHOUT CEASING.

Prayer does work, my friend. 🙂